brianrayfiction.com Blog

The latest Publishers Weekly lauds Deanna Zandt for finding inventive ways to generate money to do research for her forthcoming book, Sink or Swim. In addition to fundraising letters raking in thousands of dollars, she’s won over a pizza place in New York that has offered a $100 budget for junk food each month. Zandt signed with a smaller publisher that gives no advance, reasoning that it’s better to work with a house you like than to sell out.

Way to go. Inspired by her success, I’ve started brainstorming other ways that authors can earn a living in these desperate times:

1. Author striptease. Pack a hundred or so people into a dimly lit space, preferably with strobe lights and electronica. An announcer starts things off by saying the writer will remove one article of clothing per copy sold. For success, dress in layers. Patrons should not pay a bookseller at an event like this. Instead, let them insert the cost of the book into a place of their choosing. (We recommend this idea for young, healthy-looking writers.)

2. Ads in your book. Contact major companies like Coca-Cola or Microsoft and tell them, say, page 40 and 78 of your forthcoming title can belong to them for whatever price you can negotiate. A romance novelist might contact Victoria’s Secret. A sci-fi writer might drop Best Buy a line.

3. Product placement in your book. Like ads, this strategy involves the actual interweaving of specific items into your prose. For example, consider this scene from my forthcoming Harlequin Romance that I plan to market later this fall – “Melinda lounged sensually on her bed, waiting for Michael to shut down his Apple Thinkpad 740X with touch screen and voice command, dual processor and sleek sexy designe. She moaned. Almost as sleek and sexy as her, she thought. In fact, Mike had been coming to bed later and later. She worried about his increasing interest in Maximum Biohazard Shock, a new game. But finally he joined her, sliding into bed where they shared a Starbucks Iced Cappuccino and watched the latest episode Battlestar Gallactica.” Or consider this crime thriller I’m writing: “Hernando entered the dark room and adjusted his brand new Crew jacket, reaching for his pistol. Then the shots came, and he ducked. An exchange of gun fire led to a three block chase. Guys down at the precinct always made fun of Hernando for wearing Nike Swifts with his nice clothes. But there was one guy not laughing, Hernando smirked to himself, and that was the suspect – now face down on the sidewalk in a pool of his own fresh blood. ‘Hey,’ he said on his radio. ‘Better tell the paramedics to bring plenty of ShamWow.’”

4. Author blackmail. The above three methods make fundraising sound hard. It’s easier and more interesting to dig up dirt on your friends, neighbors, coworkers, politicians, and celebrities. Then send them an ominous letter about their affair, their illegal activities, or embarrassing secrets. Tell them that all evidence can disappear for the low price of _______, and then you’re all set. Seriously, if you’re lucky you might only have to blackmail two or three folks. Fellow writers, if you try to blackmail me – I’ll sneak into your house and erase your hard drive while you’re sleeping.

I’m throwing new stuff on the website. Check out my recent appearance on “Your Day,” a radio show on local NPR. The segment originally aired on Monday, July 13. Second half of the program. By the way, if you like my blog, then try my book.