brianrayfiction.com Blog

SC Rep Joe Wilson finally broke his silence Monday morning, at a press conference in D.C. There before journalists he told a vivid tale about persecution and violence he faced following his bold move during Obama’s health care speech. (For those with short memories, he called Obama a liar. “You lie!” he shouted, jabbing the air with a finger.)

“I’m actually the number one target of Washington Democrats now, as well as a Communist groups like ACORN.”

It started the evening of his inflammatory remarks when, walking back to his office, he was spit-balled by Nancy Pelosi – who then gave them the universal “shove it” sign, grasping her elbow and giving a stern pump of the forearm. Appalled, he fled to the lobby. There he was splashed in the face with cold water by Sen. Chris Dodd.

“John Kerry wouldn’t even say good morning to me,” Wilson said, whimpering. “Harry Reid growled at me and tried to piss on my shoes in the bathroom. And someone planted a whoopie cushion in my office chair.”

Later last week, he was walking to his car in the VIP parking deck, where waiting for him were none other than Obama himself and his two home boys – Biden and Emmanuel. They proceeded to “step up” at Wilson, waving their hands in his face and calling him derogatory names like “cracker” and “Uncle Jefferson.”

Biden danced circles around Wilson as he patted down his coat for his car keys. Obama cackled and dangled said keys before his eyes and gave them a shake. “You looking for these, country boy?”

Biden snapped his fingers. “You try to tell the word my buddy Barack here lies. Well, now, we’re here to tell you it’s time to…fry!”

Emmanuel jumped onto the floor and spun on his back. “And pretty soon your career is going to die.”

Obama twirled on his heels and slapped Wilson on the forehead with his palm. “But maybe you’d like a little slice of pie, ’cause your end is nigh!”

“Why, you’re looking kind of shy,” Biden said and grabbed Wilson’s tie, yanking them face-to-face. “Don’t tell me you’re about to break down and start to cry.”

“You’re banality is making us want to sigh. Now we’d like to know why you’re such an unpleasant guy. What fills your head and heart at night when you turn your eyes to the sky? Do you think sometimes the way you live is sterile and dry, and that’s what makes bitter men tell emissaries of truth they lie? But, hey, maybe you’d like to give my job a try. The life of a prez isn’t always what you think, most of the time it’s a toss of the die. If you can’t answer me right now, that’s okay, we’ll just ponder the reasons why and forgive us – we don’t mean to pry.” With that, Obama kicked Wilson squarely in the rear toward his car. His keys landed at his feet. As he stooped to lift them off the cold concrete and fumbled his way into his car, he saw Emmanuel, Biden, and Obama all giving each other styling high fives.

Reporters were all snickering as Wilson teared up. “Why’s everyone laughing? I’m telling you, I was fearful of my life. It was the most traumatic event I’ve ever lived through.” He then repeated his statement that his outburst during last week’s joint session of Congress was spontaneous. “I believe people should be courteous, be civil, I mean, except when moved by their passionate convictions and opposed to outrageous, leftist, liberal lies! Except when someone is a bald-faced liar, like Barack Obama!”

*Nobody Owens contributed to this report.