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This show with Jimmy Fallon has somehow caught some attention by pitting Edward Cullen against Harry Potter. Watch it here. Who’d win in a fight? Now, here’s five minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Someone needs to cast a stupify spell on Fallon. Or perhaps someone already has.

Where do I stand on the Potter vs. Cullen debate? There’s too many factors that people aren’t considering. The fight could go to either one of them. Cullen could dodge Potter’s spells. One good whack and stomp and Potter’s glasses would be nevermore. Hard to fight blind. Isn’t it? Potter, I suggest you get contacts. On the other hand, couldn’t Potter turn into a dragon or something and eat Cullen? And could they bring a friend to the fight?

In any case, I have a better question to pose. Who would win in a humor contest between Fallon and a chimpanzee? Well, we need to know: is the chimp wearing a tuxedo or a policeman’s uniform? The first would be funnier than Jimmy Fallon. The second would be much funnier.

Speaking of sucking, Margaret Atwood has a new book coming out soon. If it’s anything like Oryx and Crake, this will go at the bottom of my Amazon wish-list. Apologies to a barista friend who is currently reading Oryx and Crake. So sad, really. I consider myself an Atwood fan.